DERKA DERKA! Scapey's TV-shoot diary... Pt.4

Another day, another absolutely bloody gorgeous dinner from on-set catering.
For some reason, the cast and crew weren't going anywhere near the cheese/grape board.

Ah well... All the more for me :D

So, to recap:
We've got a bunch of extras, playing "terrorists" against a bunch of celebs, who are being trained in various combat techniques by a bunch of stuntmen and ex-marines.

Extras ( Not all present at once ):
Me
Snap
Orev
Burrelly
Scobie
Al Nunn

And a few more folk Burrelly brought... And a few that the bloody production company hired in for our days off, even though we were available!
Bastards could've saved us a drive or two!


Celebs:
Nigel Benn
Steve Collins
Ryan Dunn
Jason Cowan ( From Big Brother )
Lee Latchford Evans ( From Steps )
Heather Peace ( From London's Burning / Ultimate Force )


The next exercise, then.
Building clearance / Hostage rescue.

A large 2-storey building was in use this time.
There were two main doors - Oddly, one door was for downstairs, one for upstairs.


The basic premise of the exercise was that the celebs were to abseil from the roof in two squads, the first group blowing the centre door and sweep/clearing the downstairs rooms ( Which were actualy empty ) and the second group hightailing it to the stairwell... Blowing that as soon as the first group came up at their backs, before both groups sweep/cleared the top floor - Which had a mix of terrorists and hostages.

Each door was pre-rigged with an air ram and flash charge.
Air rams are pretty much just big fuckoff hoppers that blast their contents out using compressed air. Each of these had a T-shaped piece of wood to move the actual door, and a filler of cork chips to give the impression of debris.

Did it go to plan?
Did it hell. But I won't spoil teh funney here. It's TOO funny.
Remind me after it's aired, if it's unclear, and I'll break down what actually happened.

Some high points of the exercise:

Snap playing a disguised terrorist... Being searched THREE TIMES and still managing to keep a Glock hidden in his arsecrack.
Apparently, they were too scared to search him as they thought he was a girl. ( Well, he WAS wearing a mask, he DOES have long hair, and he DOES have a CRACKING arse... )

Orev shitting himself as he thought he'd broken his hand!
By this point, he'd been marked out as a target by the celebs, because of his attack on Jason earlier.
Poor bugger...

My part in this was a terrorist who runs from one room to the next as soon as the celebs enter... One of Burrelly's mates' Dads was in the room with me, also playing a terrorist. He was told to go down once he was shot - Sound familiar?
He was worried that he'd be crap. Oddly, he had to fake having been shot too!

For this round, the flashbangs were no longer simulated.
But in another great piece of no-bloody-research, instead of using paintball thundies or blank firing training grenades, the celebs were still using soda bottles - There was a small charge placed on the floor of each room, operated remotely by a pyro guy.
I was initially told not to be scared of these, and to keep my distance and I'd be fine.
When we were shown the big scary pyro, I had to stifle a laugh. It was about Mk4 level if that.
So I asked the pyro dude if he minded me standing right over it, as my route to the door was easier.
I did so, it went off, I reeled for a bit ( More easy when your ears ARE ringing :) ), legged it through to the next room - Where I had me a hostage.
This dude... The crew had nicknamed him the Village Idiot. Ginger hair, buck teeth, total pothead ( We hope ) and definitely not the sharpest combat knife in the boot.

Well, the celebs had burst into the room - And not even noticed me vacating at speed!
So there they are, slowly looking round the room, talking about what to do next... Standing right in view through the doorway!
*Pok pok pok pok*
I shot 5 or 6 shots right past Jase's head before anyone realised that I was in there.
Got a few direct hits as they tried to get in, before finally getting shot myself.
The celebs were under instructions to simply ignore it if they got hit. ( More bad TV IMHO. If they'd been playing for real, it would be much more entertaining. Keep them drilling til they do it RIGHT! )

Mr Benn Esq. decided to check that I was indeed dead - And knelt on my chest so hard that the bite-valve from my water pack shot off across the room from the pressure of the water being squeezed by both our weights.
Then Dunn managed to kick my mask off as he ran by... Before returning, whimpering that his gun was broken.
An instructor told him to stop being so stupid, and to take an enemy weapon.
Bastard almost broke my finger with the angle he nicked mine from!

After that, it was pretty much just a case of watching the survivors as they were herded outside - The celebs were so damn NICE to all the "hostages".
Silly buggers - First rule in that situation is that ANYONE is a potential threat until they're cuffed and seperated from the rest of the group.

We watched Snap's bit of funney, and that was it for that segment.