DERKA DERKA! Scapey's TV-shoot diary... Pt. 2

Day One.

It seemed so simple and smooth at this point...

Orev, Snap and myself piled our food and clothing into Orev's car and headed North.
The directions we'd printed off seemed fine - Until, round about Pitlochry, we got to one of the last few directions:

"Turn Left".

After that, was "For (however many) miles - Arrive at your destination".
Umm - Huh?

As it turned out, the directions had just given up.
That last "Turn Left" was followed by a good few wee twisty windy roads. The "Unit" signs ( Put up by the TV company on a location shoot to direct the cast and crew ) started at pretty much the end of the school's driveway.
This was remedied after the celebs' first day off - We think that they got lost, as on OUR return journey the signs were right out to the motorway.

We got there in the end though - Pretty much on time.

Now up until this point, we were expecting to be using Airsoft gear.
It LOOKS better, and it's not as sore as paintball stuff.

The producer had called Dave the night before, and told him that paintball would be fine, as they wanted to see the hits on-camera.
Alarm bells started ringing at this point, as I know fine well that unless the target is wearing a colour that really contrasts with the paint you're not likely to see much unless you really look.
Given that the costume for the celebs seemed to consist of a black jumpsuit and mask/helmet, this didn't bode too well.

We had been asked to bring camouflage and black clothing.
THAT went out the window, too.

The directors, and at least one of the advisors, wanted us to wear camo. A few of us had flecktarn, both clothing and webbing.
No... The producer decided that dark green boiler suits would make for "more realistic terrorists, and make it obvious which side was which".

Rrriiight... I think I can see where this is all going.

So for the first shot segment, us baddies had to stand in a room each in an old dorm and "fire off one or two, but don't try to hit the celebs as they storm in".

The celebs were using thunderflashes to stun us.
Except they weren't. Rather than using ACTUAL thunderflashes that we WOULD react correctly to, they used Panda Cola bottles, painted green. And we were told to give them "a second or two of acting stunned" before reacting.

That attitude was the problem with the whole show.
The producers didn't know what they wanted.

If they wanted reality, it would have been easy to give it to them.
People DO react to real thunderflashes. It's a reflex. "BANG! / *Flinch*".
But when we're expected to react to a thrown juice bottle... And the celebs are coming through the door before it would even have gone off if it were real, then things begin to go tits-up.

If they wanted acting, then that would also have been doable - Had we had a chance to rehearse, and block what are essentially "fight scenes".

As it was, the whole thing was half-assed and done on the fly.

So we ran through the first exercise.
The first thing I heard was Orev shouting "HIT!"
Laughed at that - His Airsofting reflexes must have kicked in.

Then my door came in - And as directed, I fired off a few rounds in the general direction of the door before going down and playing dead.

Realised after that Celeb #1 - Lee Latchford Evans ( From "Steps" of "Crap pop band" fame. ) had shot the camera in the lens - and that I'd got him in the knee.
So much for trying to miss!

I also found out later that Orev had been in a darkened room, and Celeb #2 - Nigel Benn ( Of "Ex world heavyweight champion boxer" fame ) had pretty much bodyslammed Orev into the wall, and dragged him out into the corridor.

We also found out that not one of the celebs had ever been hit with a paintball before.

More on THAT relevant fact later...